June 12, 2009. 3:40pm. Sullivan was born. How can your date of birth be AFTER your date of death? Somehow in our story, it is.
As soon as he was born I felt the exact same rush of "ohmygoshIloveYousoMuch" that I had felt the instant our older son was born. Sullivan looked so very much like a perfect baby. We just kind of waited for him to gasp for a breath. Obviously that didn't happen. His perfectly formed, perfectly healthy body just lay there.
The nurse put him on my belly for a bit after he was born. We were crying. She took him to wipe him off a little and weigh and measure him. 7lb 4 oz. 20 inches long.
Sullivan looked SO much like his older brother! They have the same full cheeks, little button noses, and adorable ears. The one difference is hair. Our oldest son had a head full of VERY dark, very straight hair at birth. Sullivan's hair was more dirty-blonde/brown and crazy wavy..just like my natural hair.
We let our older son come in and be the first to meet Sullivan. Then the rest of our family came in a few at a time to see him and hold him. As you can imagine, there were lots of tears.
Once all the family left, we kept Sullivan with us in the room for several hours and took turns holding him. I sang to him. I kissed him tons. I wanted to be sure to send him to the grave with at least 100 kisses. So I counted and counted until he'd had 100. Then I kissed him tons of other times too without counting.
I won't say much about my husband's thoughts or expression of grief because that is so personal. He is a more private person than me and his experience is HIS experience to choose to share or not share.
Around 8pm I called for the nurse and told her we had said our goodbyes. She came in to take him around 8:15pm. Watching him leave, knowing we'd not see him again, oh man. That was so hard.
This is the very last picture we ever took of Sullivan.
The nurses had him and took some nice photos for us. We got a lock of hair and an angel ornament, and hand and feet prints.